On Impending Childbirth

Unsurprisingly, I've been thinking a lot about childbirth recently because I'm expecting my second child on 27^th Feb.

The NHS have been in the media in recent months and there has been a lot of criticism of their maternity services. Or it might be just that I've noticed the news stories.

I would like to have minimal intervention for this baby. Ideally I'll labour at home for as long as possible, with the assistance of T, the telly and a TENS machine, which is arriving on Saturday.

We will have to go into hospital before the delivery because of the risk of me having an epileptic fit during or after the birth. Otherwise I would be having a home birth as I don't really want to go in.

Today I had a tour of the labour ward with Carolyn, the midwife who has been leading the antenatal parentcraft class I've been going to. My impression is that the hospital is gradually moving in the direction of helping women to have more choice and the ability to have a more natural, holistic experience.

It's still a hospital and they don't have as many midwives or as many rooms as they need sometimes. That and some health professionals, in my experience the doctors rather than the midwives, over-medicalise birth, making it more stressful for the mother and so causing more need for intervention. It's a catch 22 situation.

I came across an idea called Unassisted Childbirth. The idea is that it is not necessary for any medical practitioner to help a woman give birth. She can give birth painlessly and naturally in her own home and it will be best for all. I for one am not convinced.

I think this is a backlash against the over-medicalisation of childbirth in the USA as well as being a romanticised mysticism of the natural human body. I suspect that the NHS are better at allowing women a birth with limited intervention than the USA health system, if only because it's cheaper and they are always strapped for cash.

I do believe that some women can give birth painlessly, but would not imply that it is something that everyone could do or should be expected to do. I don't expect my second birth to hurt any less than the first one (ouchy).

I'm quite looking forward to it now. I want to make sure everything goes right by me and babe. We're probably as ready as we'll ever be and I'm fed up of being pregnant.

Theoretical parenting discussions that are meaningless in the real world.

I'm feeling rather cross at the moment about some of the parenting ideologies to which I subscribe to a greater or lesser extent.

Please come back to Earth. It can be nice and fun and we can make it better if we try!

I go to great lengths to consider my child's point of view and we don't snatch things off him and a voice is never raised in anger in our family.

The snatching issue is high in my mind right now. We come to situations where my toddler clearly covets a toy or thing that someone else has. He will stand and watch hopefully to see if he might be offered a turn. Occasionally he is, but he won't dive in and snatch from anyone else. I normally have a quick scout around for an alternative so everyone can play.

My theory for this behaviour is that neither me or Daddy snatch things from him.

I see children have objects forcibly removed from their hands by parents. Interesting stuff like keys, mobile phones, pens and the like. These children are then chastised by the same parent when they copy their parent's behaviour and forcibly take toys from other children.

And they wonder why.

So I was whinging about impractically idealistic parenting theory.

What I do not believe makes me a bad parent is forcibly strapping our toddler into the pushchair in order cross the road safely. It makes him so much less dead.

Completely non-coercive parenting can never be more than an idea.

The Freegans demonstrate my point quite well. It is possible to have an idea which is used to inform one's behaviour without being intolerant of someone who does not apply the idea to every situation or every aspect of their life.

I find useful many parenting ideas but cannot subscribe wholeheartedly to any one, particularly those which encourage complete conformity to an unachievable ideal.

So tell me it's a cop out. Tell me I can't be bothered to find a mutually agreeable solution. My parenting happens in the real world today and is merely informed by abstract hypotheses that have never been near a real bedtime snotkiss.

Motor Vehicle Culture

One of my greatest bugbears is the insistence of most people that they cannot live without a car.

Before I became a parent, I would defend people with young families who feel they need a car, but now we do it, it's really not that hard to live without.

We use some taxies and are getting quite good at fitting the carseat at speed, although I can't do it on my own at the moment because of the bump.

T cycles to work each day, which is a trek and takes about an hour, but would probably be the same in rush hour in a car.

I'm on foot or bus, but am reduced to a distance of not much more than a mile from home because of the bump, but that should ease up after the baby arrives.

I don't know how we would ever fit in enough exercise if we drove everywhere. And we would be skint.

When I explain this I am usually showered with the list of excuses of why city living, able bodied people cannot live without a car. Nobody argues that they want their car because they like the privacy and comfort that being in one's own car provides. Nobody argues that they like their car because the choice of car is a fashion statement.

I hear, “Ah but I couldn't get to work any other way.” People choose where to work and I moved job to be closer to home. Frankly the people who say this have never tried to get to work any other way. The other excuses are often simply ridiculous.

And then there are the parking and congestion problems. If there is something that might get drivers out of their cars, it's gridlock.

When I am the benevolent dictator of the world, I will ban private motor vehicles from Manchester City centre, making it only possible to get in by public transport. Not that I have any real intention of going into Politics.

Give yourself a £2,000 payrise. Ditch the car.